On Life and Purpose

Every now and then it is good to soar way up and get the 50,000 ft. view of your life. And for me it doesn't come automatically. It is easy to stay on the ground and keep busy with things in close proximity and miss living life on purpose. It is like being on a road but not knowing where it leads. Therefore I don't really know when I get there or where I am when I arrive. It becomes a "what does it matter" life.

But it wasn't alway so. When I was young I had Purpose and Purpose had me. Maybe it easier to have when we are young. Nothing has knocked us off our game yet.

Purpose and I thought a lot together. Lots of people thought we looked good together. It was synergy - Purpose energized me and I made Purpose larger. Win-win. We were going places. We both loved and valued each other.

Then along came Responsibility. It seduced me with the intensity of being out of control. Purpose was neglected and faded away. Responsibility began to dictate where we went, what we did. At some point Responsibility began to define my life. It narrowed my thinking and my value to "have to's" rather than "I choose to." Settling for being needed rather than being valued.

I want to find Purpose again. Let's see. It was rather big. We used to be close, back when I was young enough to think I knew it well.

If you see my Purpose, can you let it know I miss it? Tell it I'm sorry I haven't kept up. We should get together. For old times sake.

The Best Gets Better

I've always loved being married, having my family, watching the kids change and grow. Even my wife has developed in so many ways that make me smile and feel warm inside.

Then comes the time when the kids are gone - not from the heart, but from the house. It's now me an' her. What is going to happen? So much of our lives centered around the kids, and for good reason. No regrets there. But when they aren't around, what will we have in common? What will we do? Will she be able to stand me?

For sure, I'm not the most exciting person to be around. She dreams of sky-diving, snorkeling, traveling to exotic places. I'd like to set up a home network, drive route 66 slowly, sit in the middle of the Mojave desert 40 miles from the nearest road and just listen to the quiet.

Last night, we were talking about some things. Really talking. What she said changed my world. She said she really liked being with me. She thought I was smart. She liked hearing me talk about my life and dreams. She really wanted me to be happy.

It isn't that she hasn't said things like that before. I just took them as what you say when you are in a relationship. In dealing with our responsibilities we had become more like business partners. But I heard the words differently last night, maybe coming on the heels of some of the fears of "what will happen now." It changed my paradigm. I think she meant it. The best life I could have imagined just got better.

I'm guessing the hard parts will still be there. But when my partner of 34 years reassures me it won't all stop, it will continue to grow, I feel like nothing can stop us from soaring - whatever that will mean.

So, it's off to the races. Catch you on the flip side.

The Truman Show Theology

I watched The Truman Show a few years ago. It didn't make a huge impression on me though I thought it was kind of cute. It didn't seem to be realistic. Duh.

I watched it again on TV a few weeks ago and it fascinated me. So I bought it and have watched it six or seven times in the last week. I don't pretend to know if a meaning was intended by the author or the producers. I haven't read up on that. But the whole idea spawned a number of theological observations - probably obvious to most, but "insights" to me.

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE GO WATCH IT SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE PROCEEDING - FOCUS ON THE LAST 10 MINUTES OR SO.

Free will versus God's will. How can we claim God's will is being done in the world without the acknowledging that means He controls things, at least when He wants to? How can I be "free" if at any time He can reach in and make happen what He wants to happen. As when the Creator discusses how they had to contrive things to keep Truman on the island.

This issue strikes at the center of my (obviously limited) understanding of the Theistic and Deistic worldviews. Theism says (among other things) that God created and is involved. Deism says God created and then left things to carry on to natural consequences.

In that respect, Truman did not seem to have free will as long as he was totally ignorant of his world. His situation was controlled, unlike a deist view of natural consequences. He moved to free will by breaking away, fooling the Creator. The implication is that he "grew up." Much as the serpent said to Eve "you will be like gods."

But the direction of the movie has a person rooting for Truman to "escape." That is contrary to traditional Christian views but shown to be the better way. To carry it the direction a Christian would go, Truman should have stopped, realized the Creator was providing him his best life and stayed in his little town - adoring the Creator for having given him so much.

So, we are given free will and then our best decision is to not use it? OK, sometimes I overthink.

Google as a Memory Enhancer

I never cease to be amazed at what I can find by googling (or yahooing, or binging, or whatever your religion is.) It almost seems like I don't have to even type the words - it reads my mind.

I was thinking about a guy I used to deliver papers to when I was in elementary school. The wrestling promoter for the State of Hawaii, Ed Francis. (His son Russ Francis played for the New England Patriots. One of my claims to fame - Richard Piefer and I played some basketball with him and his brother one day. OK, I was about 11 and he was definitely in high school at the time and whooped our butts. Or as I like to think of it, we built his confidence enabling him to have a successful NFL career.)

I looked him up on google and found out much more than I ever knew about the whole wrestling scene in Hawaii in the 60's. And found names I hadn't heard in a long time. Curtis "The Bull" Iaukea, Lord Blears, the Masked Executioner. I can still feel the thud through the television as I secretly (parents didn't approve) watched "50th State Wrestling" - the highest rated television show in the state at the time. Then at school the next week we guys would steal around to the front of the church where we were blocked from view and we would try out all the moves. I don't think we broke anything.

I haven't thought of that for a long, loonng, looonnnnggg time. I have no interest now in wrestling. But it was sure an attention-getter to an 12 year old.

It makes me think about this thing called "memory" and how it functions. So much lies dormant for so long. Then with a few promptings a flood of thoughts, sights, smells, tastes, and sounds comes back. Almost like it was yesterday (more yesterdays for some of us.)

I guess nothing ever leaves us completely - it just gets harder to find in there. But the sense of fun that seems to come back when I look at pictures from long ago or find some serendipity on the internet reminds me: Today is tomorrow's memory. Make it a memory you will smile about. Make it a memory worth googling in 40 years. Find ways to file it away for later retrieval - pictures, recordings, diaries, blogs.

When you have more years behind you than you have ahead of you, you begin to realize the value of a life full of memories worth remembering. Less "stuff." More memories.

New Year's Revolutions

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePXlkqkFH6s

A few weeks ago I found and watched Coach Jim Valvano's speech at the ESPY Awards in 1993. I'd never seen it before. Kind of like "The Final Lecture" only shorter so those of us with "Wikipedia as History Lesson" attention spans could finish and remember it.

Three things you must do every day. You must laugh. You must cry. You must think. I'll find things to laugh and cry about. No problem.

It is the thinking that will take conscious effort. It hurts sometimes. I'm not used to it.

So one of my New Years Revolutions is to think every day. Spend some time in serious thought. Travel down a single path for a while.

New Years Revolutions? Yes. Resolutions don't seem to hold real well. Maybe if I decide how I want to revolutionize my life I'll keep a better vision of where I want to be and stick with it. Yes, diet and exercise are on there somewhere. Again.

Happiness

If you want to be great, raise your expectations

If you want to be happy, lower your expectations

Lois, Come Home

It's been two weeks. Seems like about ½ a year. Many insects don't even live that long.  But time really drags.

So much happens in that span of time. Just not to me. Or maybe what is happening just pales in comparison to what isn't happening. No soft, understanding touch. No sitting and watching her work on something, become frustrated and scrunch up her face or experience success and beam.

She left me. Again. This time for a younger man. Actually, two other men – a younger man and a really younger man. And a lady. For the last two weeks she has spent her time going shopping, going out to eat, going to the park, pushing around toy trucks and cars on the floor, watching videos called Dora and Wiggles, playing golf (in the house,) and making a variety of food stuff. Pretty much what she did when she left me last time for two really younger men, a young lady, and a not quite as young (but still younger) lady and man.

My heart is thankful she can and does take the time to build the memories that are being created. It perpetuates what I know of the Browns, both past an current. And it will perpetuate itself in various ways with the Browns' and Fernandes' of the future.

But it is now time to put my heart back together again. As Monday draws closer, I become more anxious. I know she'll remember me. (It hasn't really been THAT long.) I hope she remembers how I like to hold her close. And walk holding her hand. And watch her smile.

Until then, I'll have MY memories.