Postponing the Inevitable - Getting Older

When the kids were young (younger) Easter Egg hunts were a highlight comparable to Christmas. As they got older they still liked the opportunity for sugar and the competition of finding the biggest and mostest. Even when they were in high school.

Since two of three are now out of the house (and the third only here because I keep hanging on) it seems a bit of a stretch to say I still have children. Now I have 3 adults.

Except on Easter. Because Angela is still here this week I imagined (at least in my mind) she would enjoy an Easter Egg hunt. So got the whole 9 yards. Picture proves it. When I'm farther removed from this nostalgia, I'll apologize to Angela for making her do this. Then broadcasting it. But for a few hours, I'll savor.

What Next, Partner?

As I write these words my wife Lois is beginning a climb up the Sydney Harbor Bridge in Sydney, Australia. Really. How did that happen?

Let's see. She's been to Australia 3 times now (son and family are there, you know.) She has been to Uluru and snorkeled Great Barrier Reef. She has swam with dolphins and sting rays. She has ziplined, had her tires slashed and purse stolen while by herself in Costa Rica. She has cruised the Caribbean. Twice, east and west. She has been to Brazil. Hawaii three times, Florida many times for snorkeling and even parasailing. With our youngest moving to Peru, I'm sure she will have that on her passport within 6 months.

All that and she still enjoys playing on the floor with her kids and grandkids. And digging in the flowers. And finding the bargain no one else could believe.

Now the Bridge. Why? Because it is there. She is a dreamer, then a doer. She is as at home rock hopping in the river or harvesting blackberries in the wild patch as she is lounging on the couch doing her Sudoku. But if she thinks of a new "project," you can count on her working toward it.

The best part is, as we approach 35 years since either of us were unmarried, I know she will be back. I sure enjoy watching you in action.

Happy Anniversary, Angel. What a life you've given me!

Remembering a Special Classmate

Today I read with sadness and shock of the passing of a special high school classmate. Violet Sagon Jones Medusky lost her battle with ALS. I'm surprised because I thought if there was ever anyone who would be the first to whip the enemy, PeeWee would be that one.

I was only around Violet for my high school and a couple of college years. She was older than me. By one day. I didn't let her forget it. She had the kind of personality I felt I already knew when I first met her. And now after not being around for 40 years I think I still know her. What a beautiful person, inside and out. A heart of gold. Thoughtful of others, kind, a real spark - I can't think of any way a person could be around her and not feel better just because of it.

Violet was always such an active person. In high school we had track meets on school picnic days. I remember the first time she entered races. Cute,I thought, but I hoped she wouldn't be embarrassed. She was so small and spindly. Wow! Could she move!

It took this horrid disease to slow her down. Besides the physical drain, I have to think the emotional drain of knowing she was so dependent on others do do everything for her must have been at lease equal in agony.

Seeing her pictures and posts, I like to think even if she lost this battle, she won the war. She fought with all the strength she had. I don't see someone who let the disease take away the parts of her that were the most endearing to all who knew her - her optimism, strength of character, caring for others.

Now comes the rest she couldn't have for the last few years. And sadness, not for her. She knows nothing. But sadness for those whose lives lost something Tuesday. Jan, kids, friends, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Somehow the world seems to have a little less energy.

Cruisin'

As I stepped onto the ramp leading to the boat I started to feel things change. I now see the division. The attitude WAS BC - Before Cruise. BC attitude is "think it out-what do we need to do next-what will this accomplish-who do I need to watch out for-plan it. I did not think much about the cruise before this moment. It was BC up to this moment - even to the point of trying to get to the boat on time, where to park, which line do we get into.

Now my attitude is AB - After Boarding. Once on the ramp, I had no agenda. Nothing to do next. Brain an empty page. Well, not quite.

I wanted to spend time on deck in a deck chair reading. I wanted to get up and walk every morning. I wanted to walk around the ship and figure out where things are. The only time deadline was 3 days away as we were going snorkeling.

My Anti Agenda: I didn't want to gamble. I didn't want to drink. I don't really like going to shows. Bingo just wasn't going to happen.

My Agenda: I was going to let people carry things for me. I was going to visit the food places when I felt like it. I was going to walk around when I felt like it. I was going to nap when I felt like it.

The only complicating factor was going to be Lois. She would want to go _____. She would want to do _____. I would need to watch out to make sure this was a memorable trip for her.

Turned out her plan was to make sure I accomplished my agenda. I wasn't going to go anywhere or do anything I didn't want to do. And she seemed to MEAN it!

Day of Embarking: Board the Carnival Ecstacy at 2:00. Find cabin (bags were already delivered.) Go find food. (accomplished - a Mongolian grill.) We start to walk around but the adventure is short-circuited by the announcement that we have to do an emergency drill - report to your muster station. For us that was the Blue Saphire Room. On signal, we are follow our assigned crew member to our assigned station and see a demonstration on how to put on your life jacket. And we're off, moving through the channel out of Galveston. Continuing on ship discovery. Oh, a library to read in. Figure out where all the shops are (which we won't shop in.) Find all the places to lean against the deck rail and look out over the water. Nap (yes, I meant it.) Go to the dining room for supper. Our's was the late seating at 8:15. We were paired with a nice couple from Dallas. He is an internist. Service is like the fanciest restaraunt we have ever visited (multiple forks, the table steward moves them around like deploying weapons to the correct location on the battlefield.) There were a lot of people dressed up for Valentine's day.

We went to our room and initiated our Valentine Olympics 2011. I had brought Yatzee, Skipbo, Phase 10, and Sorry Revenge (card game) and the official 2011 Olympics record book to record the scores for posterity. (Why? What did you think I meant by "valentine olympics?") I figured we could add miniture golf and or ping-pong if we wanted to. Tonight it was Yatzee, the early heat to eliminate all but the top two competitors. After one warm up game we went to sleep. So much for Olympics. Maybe we should have trained harder so we could stay up past 10P.

Day 1. Full day at sea. Up to the jogging track for 30 minutes of walking. Find breakfast (which of the three grills to go to.) Nap. (yes, I really meant it.) The next thing I remember was going and getting some nachos. Then sitting in a deck chair so I could say I did. More exploring. Nap. Then dress up for the formal dinner (you were encouraged to wear close toed shoes and sport jacket.) Afterwards we went to see a comedian for a little while. 11P found us asleep.

Day 2. Progresso, Mexico. We docked at 7A. I walked my 30 minutes. We found food. Finally we got off around 10:30. The boat docks at the end of a 2 mile long dock. A free shuttle took us into town. It was as "old Mexican town" as I would be comfortable in. Right off the dock are shops - rings, silver chains you can have made into bracelets or necklaces, tee shirts, cuban cigars, tequila and other liquors, trinkets, scarfs, statues, repeat. This area was definitely their attempt at capturing tourista $$. "Come see. Cheapest price. For you, almost free. Just let me have one Mexican minute. You don't have to buy, just look, we'll still be friends. Better price than my neighbor. Name a price. Come have a beer while you look."

There was a dirty beach off to one side and some more shop areas across the street. This looked more like local shopping. Some of the same trinkets, but also clothes, fruit and grocery shops, a larger open air meat market with various kinds of meat hanging (was that a skinned rabbit or dog?) Little grills making various local fare. If you sicken easily, I won't mention the smells of decaying . . . . Well, I just won't mention it.

We kept walking. Past some appliance stores, a pharmacia, watch and camera shops, and a bank. Hey, I can change some money so that guy who wouldn't take a $20 for a soda would be happier. It turns out the bank won't change currency. At least not that bank. A "friend" followed us out of the bank and told us about a place down the street. "It says 'Electra' and you go in and go way to the back." Uh, I'm not sure about that. We kept going past some more shops. Suddenly he is behind us saying "here it is." Well, it was a larger store selling big screen TV's, furniture, washing machines, boom boxes -- it looked large enough to probably be legitimate. We walked in, trying to interpret the prices, and went all the way to the back where it looked like they had a credit department and three bank-like cages. When it was our turn we moved up, handed her our $20, then had to show ID and fill out a form. I guess they don't want us laundering drug money or something. After receiving 223 pesos for $20US we knew the key. Bargain like you are paying US$$ then pay in pesos. It worked. We got the "best price" then paid in pesos. I guess we showed them. I hope they didn't lose too much money on us. We were just too sharp for them.

We started back to the boat. A girl came out from between two stores innocently asking, "Massage? $20 for 1 hour." After the fantasies went on by I urged Lois to go get one. Calm her headache. We walked up a street to what looked like a small broken storefront with no front. Or maybe it had been a seating area for the restaraunt that used to be next to it. There were 5 or 6 massage tables. Right out in the open. Two current customers were in various stages of undress on the tables - one male, one female adequately covered so as to be barely legal in most US cities. I guess it was just the idea. Lois apparently did not notice that and got on the table. I sat on the curb for a while then went walking to see what else there was nearby. I found an embroidered ribbon and had "Sofia" embroidered on it. When I got back Lois was, uh, uncovered, at least her back as they worked on it. When they were finished Lois valiantly met the challenge of replacing clothes right on the street, in the open storefront, right on the street, with a variety of sexes walking by, having massages, etc. She later commented on the "free" feeling. What is next? A nude beach? Oh, wait, that was on the Australia trip last time. (OK, suspense over. She visited, did not participate. But one by one the barriers keep coming down . . . )

We took our loot back to the boat in time for a 3PM departure. Snack, nap (seriously,) snack, and dining room supper. What shall we do? Karaoke? Lounge with piano bar? Lounge with disco and dancing? Vegas style floor show? Shopping? After spending about 10 minutes standing on the deck looking at the moon we went to bed. About 9:30. We are wild and crazy people.

Day 3. Cozumel. Woke up to the sounds of the thruster motors guiding the ship toward the dock. There was another ship - Radiance of the Sea already docked. I did my walking. Then we ate and left to get to our snorkeling excursion. We already knew this town would be more touristy.
The boat was an older catamaran. The crew were two young guys. It wasn't real well put together but we were on our way. Most of the time our snorkeling cruises have taken us out 45 minutes or an hour offshore. This one took us 30 minutes to get back toward our boat and about 100 yards off shore. After about 45 minutes they took us to another area, about 100 yards in another direction. There were fish and a few pieces of coral. It was fine. Lois may have a more descriptive recollection. You may want to ask her.

We took a taxi on into town. It was confirmed, they were quite ready for tourists. See Day 2, first part. Several new looking malls with many more stores with, well, again, see Day 2 first part. For several hours we did the requisite being shocked, dickering, walking away, coming back by, etc. Again, sadly for the Cozumel economy, there was a lot of noise but not much money left there. My one prized purchase was a small feather art" picture. A family with several members paint pictures - birds, fish, etc. on feathers. Some are one feather, some two, and some three. It was very nice. One of the few things that did not look was imported from China.

A taxi back to the boat, then nap, and an early supper. We decided against eating in the dining room any more. The food was good but it wasn't worth waiting until 8:15 to eat. Then I decided to mix things up. There was another barrier to break. I took Lois by an artist and encouraged her to get a tatoo - a dolphin. OK, maybe it isn't really a tatoo, but it sounds really wild if I say it that way. And since I don't do wild and she does, she was elected. It will be on her arm for a few days.

We spent the evening on the fantail watching the sun go down and the beautiful full moon come up. The Radiance was in sight but was headed to Tampa. So we watched it grow smaller and smaller. Then it was back to the room for several rounds of competition in the Olympics. In the spirit of good international relations, each country (Malia and Femalia) won a game. Then we called a truce and went to bed.

Day 4 at Sea. After walking, Lois had paid for me to go on an excusion - a special tour of the ship. We toured the entertainment centers, the galley, crew quarters, engine room, and bridge. It concluded meeting the captain. Some of the important points:
- We use about 95,000 gallons of fuel for this kind of 5 day trip. The engineer writes a check for $500,000. They actually use about 5 times as much water.
- Training to work on the ship is 2-5 months to do simple housekeeping, galley, or waitstaff type jobs. Workers sign 6-9 month contracts, work 6 days a week for 6-10 hours a day (depending on the day) and often the work is 4 hours, off for a few hours then on again. Most staff are from Europe or the far east. Our cabin steward is from the Phillipines. He has been doing this 15 years and has about 2 more to go before he retires. He has a family there and is proud that this job will allow his kids to go to college. There is nothing else back home like that for him. But he only gets home a couple of times a year.
- Everything that comes on has a particular way to go off. Very little gets dumped without sorting, processing, treating, wrapping or something. Food garbage have to go off in the same port they came on at. Food that has been set out never gets taken back - it is tossed. I went by large 4X4X4 bundles of waste all labeled according to how they were to be off loaded.
- The "Las Vegas" type show costs about $6-8M to develop. It stays around for years.
- There are 6 diesel engines that run 4 generators - A total of 28 Megawats of electricity. Of course a significant share of that runs all the electric needs of the ship. The ship is propelled by two large electric motors and propellers. And there are 6 thruster motors and propellers, 3 on each side. These manuver the ship in harbors. The can make the ship to a 180 in place so they no longer need a tug to guide move. Usually there are only 4 engines going at a time. One is currently being overhauled in place on the ship.
- Crew stay on the lower two decks. They have 5 dining rooms of their own. Only certain of them are allowed on guest decks. Most of them do not make shore either at the originating port or any of the ports of call. Those are busy times for cleaning, restocking, etc.
- If we had to stop immediately (crash stop) it would take 10 minutes to come to a complete stop from the 18 mph we travel. That information will come in useful later.

After my tour it was eat, nap, and walk around and read on deck. Again we watched the sun go down and the moon come up. Since it was our last night we walked around some more. We had to get packed and have our luggage outside our room by Midnight to be taken off the ship when we arrive tomorrow morning. We made it. With time to spare.

Day of Debarking: I woke up at 6:30 and took a shower. I figured since I had taken the tour I could go help the captain bring the boat to dock. There was still time to go for my walk. But I noticed we had the thrusters going (they are kind of right under us) so we must be coming in early (8A planned arrival time.) I went up to do my walking. Then I noticed we had stopped. So that was what all that noise was - reversed propellers. But there was no pier apparent. Hmm. Maybe we had made a wrong turn and were stopped asking for directions. It turns out the fog was so thick Galveston closed their harbor. It had actually been closed for two days. The pilot would not come out to guide us in. So we were at a dead stop about an hour from port. Luggage was off stacked and ready for offloading. People with airline connections to make, crews needing to clean, restock, etc. for the next cruise which was scheduled to leave 8 hours after our planned arrival, all questioning the future. The cruise line left the food grills open and scrambled to put together entertainment and games. It is now 1:30. We are still waiting for the fog to lift. We have eaten, I have recorded my memoirs here, we are lounging on the back deck to get away from the "entertainment", and I suppose we should be enjoying the extension of our trip. Well, I guess maybe I am. I feel bad for a number of people around me, but we are chillin'.

It is now 7:30 PM. They have announced we will be spending the night. I understand the port closes at 5 anyway. So we aren't going in, fog or not.

Rumors abound. I have heard the fog will not clear out for at least two days and 4 days. There is another cruise ship about two miles away that has been waiting since Thursday. There was a party who was supposed to board for the outgoing cruise who was getting married tonight. Hotels in Galveston are full, now there are 2,000 people needing rooms.

So though I am posting this right now, there will be updates coming.

Uncle Ed and Life's Purposes

From the time I can first remember, Uncle Ed has been part of my consciousness. At family reunions he always makes the "there's nothing to do" into something fun - a game, going to get A&W or watermelon, figuring out where to put the firecrackers for the biggest effect, telling jokes or stories of when he was young. Count on it.

Aunt Norma is always around for support. I remember being anxious for the girls to arrive because it was going to be much more fun at the reunion. But I think Uncle Ed filled the role of "lead kid." Even as he matures and the big family reunions are relegated to the past, he remains "lead kid." During my visit in April 2010 he continued to recall stories of his growing up and could share them as if they were yesterday the way he had many times before - suspected embellishments and all.

As his health now fails and the likelihood of future Owens family reunions, at least the way I remember them, grows dim, I think back on my recollections (and a few I could not remember as I wasn't born yet) of Uncle Ed and his family legacy.

A while back I was challenged to reduce what I thought of as my "mission" or "purpose" to a sentence. I came up with "it is my purpose to leave people around me a little better off than they were before I was there." I don't see it as a requirement that I make their life worth living or make a huge impression. I feel it is a little thing at a time for whoever I am around. Shortly after that I realized I had taken the idea from Uncle Ed's influence on my life. Nothing earthshaking - just every time I was around him I felt things were a little better. I think he must have struck many people that way.

As I work through life - first its our job to make the grownups proud, then to learn things, then to become independent, then have kids who make us proud, then become independent again, then fulfill all life dreams if we have any money left - I have thought about what I will leave when I can't move around any more. I can't think of anything better than for people to say "he reminds me of Edward Owen."

On Life and Purpose

Every now and then it is good to soar way up and get the 50,000 ft. view of your life. And for me it doesn't come automatically. It is easy to stay on the ground and keep busy with things in close proximity and miss living life on purpose. It is like being on a road but not knowing where it leads. Therefore I don't really know when I get there or where I am when I arrive. It becomes a "what does it matter" life.

But it wasn't alway so. When I was young I had Purpose and Purpose had me. Maybe it easier to have when we are young. Nothing has knocked us off our game yet.

Purpose and I thought a lot together. Lots of people thought we looked good together. It was synergy - Purpose energized me and I made Purpose larger. Win-win. We were going places. We both loved and valued each other.

Then along came Responsibility. It seduced me with the intensity of being out of control. Purpose was neglected and faded away. Responsibility began to dictate where we went, what we did. At some point Responsibility began to define my life. It narrowed my thinking and my value to "have to's" rather than "I choose to." Settling for being needed rather than being valued.

I want to find Purpose again. Let's see. It was rather big. We used to be close, back when I was young enough to think I knew it well.

If you see my Purpose, can you let it know I miss it? Tell it I'm sorry I haven't kept up. We should get together. For old times sake.

The Best Gets Better

I've always loved being married, having my family, watching the kids change and grow. Even my wife has developed in so many ways that make me smile and feel warm inside.

Then comes the time when the kids are gone - not from the heart, but from the house. It's now me an' her. What is going to happen? So much of our lives centered around the kids, and for good reason. No regrets there. But when they aren't around, what will we have in common? What will we do? Will she be able to stand me?

For sure, I'm not the most exciting person to be around. She dreams of sky-diving, snorkeling, traveling to exotic places. I'd like to set up a home network, drive route 66 slowly, sit in the middle of the Mojave desert 40 miles from the nearest road and just listen to the quiet.

Last night, we were talking about some things. Really talking. What she said changed my world. She said she really liked being with me. She thought I was smart. She liked hearing me talk about my life and dreams. She really wanted me to be happy.

It isn't that she hasn't said things like that before. I just took them as what you say when you are in a relationship. In dealing with our responsibilities we had become more like business partners. But I heard the words differently last night, maybe coming on the heels of some of the fears of "what will happen now." It changed my paradigm. I think she meant it. The best life I could have imagined just got better.

I'm guessing the hard parts will still be there. But when my partner of 34 years reassures me it won't all stop, it will continue to grow, I feel like nothing can stop us from soaring - whatever that will mean.

So, it's off to the races. Catch you on the flip side.